Fear of Commitment

Most people never arrive at the goal of living their dream life. So few actually achieve their dream life goal.

Why is that? Isn’t a desire to change enough to get there?

Your fear of commitment will prevent you from living the life you want. Perhaps you have failed in the past or you don’t think you can handle failing again. Perhaps people have told you that you don’t finish what you start. Or, maybe, you have watched others commit to a goal and then fail. Or, did you listen to the naysayers last time you committed toward a goal and then fell victim to their sarcasm or criticism. Have you ever felt like you desperately wanted to commit to something, but your inner critic was giving you gentle reminders of past failures? Do you find yourself, once again, second guessing your ability to fully commit to a goal? Are there people in your life that are not supportive of your ambitious desire for a needed change?


If there is a strong desire to make a commitment and you find yourself frustrated and falling back into the past habits of being afraid to commit…there are three strategies that can help you overcome your fear:

  1. Perfection is the enemy with fear of commitment because as soon as it stops being perfect, it stops being fun and when it stops being fun, you may just throw in the towel. When you make a commitment to and idea, business or person, you are making a commitment to imperfection as you work your way to success. Imperfection is inevitable.
  2. No more comparing. When you see the person, who has accomplished the very goal that you want to achieve, remember it was a rocky road for them to. They didn’t just arrive at the pinnacle by accident. There were bumps, imperfections, failures, bruises, rejections, sarcasm, disappointment, frustration, insomnia, unmet expectations on the way there. You, too, can expect this path. You are committing to an uncomfortable ride once the high of the decision subsides.
  3. Once you have made your commitment based on facts, create a timeline to allow yourself to reach your goal. Get a crystal-clear vision of what you want that five-year goal to include. Write down what it looks like (where you will live, how big your home is, what color your home is, how your home is furnished, where you will travel, what a typical day will look like, who will be in your life, what you will have in your bank account, how much you will give away in the form of contributions, what city you live in, what kind of car you drive, how old you are, how old your children are, where they will work or go to college, etc.). Then, work backwards toward the 4-year mark and complete a full description of what that will look like with detailed information as previously described. Once that is complete, describe what your life will look like at 3 years, 2 years, 1 year…. This is a powerful exercise to get into your subconscious right away so that you can make reasonable expectations and stay excited on your journey.

You aren’t afraid of commitment; you are afraid of failure and/or rejection. So, to reduce the chances of giving into failures and/or rejections, approach your next goal with the 3 aforementioned steps.

Hope can change everything.

Lisa Schiro, M.S., LPC-5494



EMDR Therapist